Thursday, 21 June 2012

Books, Porn and Sex Therapy


Books, Porn and Sex Therapy .

- By Kazza K

Erotica is the main meal on my personal book menu these days. I know some people get quite snobbish about romance and/or erotica and feel they're not literary, or they look down their noses at
them. I saw a review recently for what is an excellent period piece, with strong erotic undertones, which the reviewer enjoyed but then proceeded to 'mock' erotica, seemingly astonished that they could, in fact, enjoy this book that had erotic components. There were comments left underneath by friends/people supporting the fact that erotic writing is, basically, for lesser beings (not in those exact words, but that was the gist) - snobs. Pffft, I know what I love, I love good writing and there are some wonderful authors in this genre who could write rings around some of the so called literary giants. There are some shockers too, and some inbetweeners, the same as everything else out there. Also romance and erotica have great therapeutic value. I guess these reviewers/commenters didn't think that through too much.

Apart from my own reading enjoyment, I use the books I read as a resource in sex therapy. Every couple who does relationship counselling with me does sex therapy, because where there are relationship problems there are fractures in the bedroom. Knowing the market and the books out there enables me to discuss in depth what they might personally enjoy. Romance and erotica can be a marital aid, like sex toys, porn, and visual erotica. Women, in particular, are not always as open to watching porn as a marital aid, and if they are, they generally prefer a story to get them in the mood. Most porn studios don't really do stories, as their primary demographic is male, and men want action. Plus, there is often girl on girl action in porn and, unless the women I'm seeing are bi, this doesn't always go down well. If they are lesbian then the extra male bits are generally not welcome. So that leaves us with books that are romantic, for the more romantically inclined client, to erotica, for the client wishing for a bit more zing. With Romance the emphasis is on sexual tension and passion that may or may not be fully explored, there is often a strong hero and a female, or potential mate, that is perhaps a little submissive or sometimes they are kick-arse, strong and capable, all are available. Kissing and kinder sex is the order of the day in romance and there are many books that cater from the lighter romantic through to the more stimulating. Within erotica you have spicier sexual encounters there for the offing. From BDSM light, BDSM ramped up, uber-alpha males, sex captives, dangerous or thrilling encounters, menages with two men for every woman, women on women, men on men - you name it, erotic books have got you covered. I have helped many a client buy a book because I know them, what they like, and we work together re: what will work best for them. I can honestly say that a couple of books, in particular, have been recommended 100's of times to couples. Obviously, this is not the only therapy that I use for sex therapy, but it's one of the many resources that are available to me, and I'm a good therapist if I actually know what the hell I'm talking about.

Bottom line? Romantic, erotic books are a great tool for therapists to utilise, to rcommend, they're wonderful for couples. Once a day for an hour, or a couple of times a week, a couple can cuddle up in bed together and one can read out loud, either the whole book or just the 'interesting' bits, and the other can enjoy whatever parts they're interested in. It's nice couple bonding time, beats sitting in front of the television ignoring one another, using the ads as 'time to talk' - no! - or not communicating at all, which is very, very bad.

I tell all my clients that pleasurable thoughts and feelings about sex are crucial to fan the flames of desire. If you feel that sex is a waste of time then nothing will change for the better. I also say that you need to make a concerted effort to think pro-sex and that engaging in positive activities or fantasies about sex will increase your motivation to be sexual. Often, the most exciting fantasies are the taboo ones –fantasies about sex with someone of the same gender, someone famous, threatening,  powerful, or even paranormal are not uncommon. Reading books that set the mood definitely helps. Something romantic and erotic helps to stimulate you in a positive way.

So there it is, my blog on books, porn and sex therapy. You see it all ties in, it's practical, and besides, I like to think of my reading as luxurious research.


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