Side Line, Ben Ryder

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Velocity (Impulse #3), Amelia C Gormley

Derrick's eyes were the placid gray-green of a lake under stormy clouds, waiting patiently for the tumultuous rains to begin. The storm would roil and churn on the surface, barely stirring the calm underneath. Eventually, it would break and blow past, leaving tranquillity in its wake.
Gavin had never expected to be those rains, falling and being drawn into Derricks fathomless depths.

 

-Review by Kazza K



Velocity is the third and final book of the Impulse series. It's a good way to finish and I couldn't have asked for a better wrap up to the trilogy. There is some lovely writing in this book, particularly during introspection, some great sex, and two men who are dealing with their own issues increasingly as a couple, as opposed to two men who happen to be in a relationship dealing with issues.

This time both Derrick and Gavin have their own POV, as opposed to Inertia and Acceleration where it is purely Derrick's perspective. Ms Gormley did the right thing here. It allows the reader to know why Gavin flirted with Derrick in the first place, how he is feeling about his HIV status getting so close to the final test, his feelings about his poor-excuse-for-a-human ex, Lukas, who may have infected him . And, most importantly to me, how he feels about Derrick. How he feels about his growing relationship with Derrick. The first book is about first attractions and then reaction to a possible serodiscordant relationship. The second book expanded on that and dealt with Derrick's sad past and why he is so shut down. The third book is mostly about Gavin's issues and feelings -

"I'm scared," Gavin murmured after a moment, his voice muffled against Derricks neck.
"I know."
"I should never have trusted Lukas."

Gavin talking to his friend Andi -

"If I could have chosen someone to put that much faith in, it would have been Derrick. The first time I trusted someone so completely that I let myself go skin-to-skin, it should have been him. If this test comes back positive, I'll never have that with him. And even if he says he doesn't mind, I do. I want that with him."

....and Derrick's support -

Gavin couldn't have known just what a gentle, bruised soul Derrick had, or the fear he'd had to overcome to let himself reach out once again. He couldn't have known just how much he'd need Derrick to ground him, to remind him that when everything seemed huge and scary, he could come back to the peace of Derrick's arms.

It was enough that Gavin needed him. Derrick could wait for the rest.

Derrick's issues come to a head with the hockey league, Gavin's issues come to a head with Lukas, and both men end up dealing with these respective problems in a most satisfactory manner. Gavin is debating whether to get his final blood work before the holidays or after, and both men come to terms with what the results may be. Derrick is sure and at peace with the fact that he loves Gavin, irrespective of the results. This time Gavin has some soul-searching to do, some what ifs to conquer if he is to be at peace.... no matter the results.

I must admit to having a meltdown about Gavin contacting Lukas to find out if what he said to Derrick was correct - that he hired himself out to other men to make ends meet during college. I'm a big subscriber to the saying "fool me once, fool you; fool me twice, fool me." So I wasn't big on his reasoning to get back in touch with Lukas, it made no difference to the outcome of his personal tests and it opened him up to manipulation again. It also ticked me off that he questioned Derrick, one of the nicest men (lots of Derrick love from me), based on the word of Lukas the Liar -

...Derrick wore his heart in those eyes. In them, Gavin saw everything he'd ever wanted to see in a partner.

Gavin likes to top in bed but there is occasion and cause for him to be topped by Derrick, who is the physically bigger man. I always enjoyed that Gavin is slight, more noticeably gay and he is the  top. The sex was again BDSM oriented here with Derrick loving the way Gavin talks to him, causes delicious pain, and frees him. And there is reason for Gavin needing his own pressure release as well in this book. The scenes where Derrick tops Gavin are face-meltingly sexy, meaningful, and too long to include all parts, but here is some of it -

Lord. No wonder Derrick never dommed. He was fucking terrifying when he did. He was strong enough to win and he knew it, and that made him cold, collected, completely in control. He could play the game as long as necessary, waiting Gavin out with that infinite patience of his, and then do whatever the hell he wanted to Gavin.
Fuck, that was hot.


"You just go ahead and you fight and you run your mouth all you need to," he said dismissively...
"You'll only make it worse for yourself." With each effort to twist his body away, his rock-hard dick banged maddeningly against Derrick's hip.
"Fuck, that's a sexy look on you, all pissed-off and helpless. Derrick murmured, his lips brushing Gavin's in a mockery of tenderness.


"I can fuck you until you scream, until you beg me to let you come."
"Yes, " Gavin groaned as Derrick pushed into him the first inch, the stretch more difficult for all the pain-ridden tension in his body. Gavin tried to relax despite the discomfort radiating from his nipples as Derrick paused, but then he snapped his hips forward, wrenching a yell from Gavin.

Derrick growled above him. gasping as Gavin shuddered, moaning.
"Fuck, you're tight." He waited only a moment to allow Gavin to adjust before he drew back and did it again. The pressure of the clamps on his nipples was a dull, hot torment, and the feel of Derrick driving  into him straddled the knife-edge where pleasure became so intense it was unendurable. Too good, too painful, too perfect.

Derrick is quietly supportive, he's good at support, and Gavin frets more and more. The good thing is that Derrick is not dealing with his anxieties like before, as sex and his ability to speak more openly about his feelings, if he so chooses, have made him stronger. Gavin's feelings build to a crescendo and then he realises he finally, genuinely does have the love and support of a good man no matter what. That he isn't a powerless victim to Lukas. He leans to believe, which helps immeasurably for whatever is coming.

Overall

I'm very glad I found this trilogy. It is a well written series centred around two really, really likeable characters, and their building relationship, with some interesting friends and acquaintances thrown into the mix here and there. But the Impulse trilogy definitely belongs to Derrick and Gavin as their relationship is front and centre throughout. The characterisations were very well written and solid all the way, the emotions very real, the events never felt forced, rather something that could happen to you or a friend, and the sex was smoking hot, at times kinky, and inventive throughout. I'm most happy with the way the trilogy ended and I'm glad to have been there with Derrick and Gavin from beginning to end. I'm going to miss them.

5  Soulful  Stars 

Acceleration (Impulse #2), Amelia C Gormley

When Gavin's hands were on him, nothing else mattered.
When Gavin's hands were on him, the day when Gavin's final test came back was a lifetime away, and the results were irrelevant.
When Gavin's hands were on him, Derrick could let go and just be.

 

- Review by Kazza K

 

 

This book is just so beautiful, so heartfelt, painted so vividly real, and a lot of other words that I could throw into the mix that simply mean this - I loved it. Maybe that's all I need to write for this review. I think that probably isn't really a review, more an overall feeling about the book...but not why. So, I will try to give the reasons why.

Acceleration picks up right where Inertia left off. It is the Monday after Derrick and Gavin's weekend together, one where they were intimate, and neither is wanting to say goodbye. There is a continuation of the newness of a relationship finding its way - the lust, the  excitement, the uncertainty.

The acceleration of their relationship is a HUGE step for Derrick. For a man who has been on his own for a decade. Who has been self-reliant and celibate for a long time to suddenly start to need someone -

His own insatiability frightened him. He didn't want to need someone. 

Suddenly they are moving ahead to being in each others lives every day -

By Friday evening, Derrick's house had acquired a French press of its own, as well as an electric tea kettle. A second toothbrush had taken up semi-permanent residence in his bathroom....

Actually contemplating/bringing someone into his life, his heart; the house he grew up in from fourteen with all the ghosts of the past that are there -

How far did he really want to bring Gavin into his life? At what point did dalliance become more.


I must add that the sex in this book is off the charts hot. Gavin is dominant in the bedroom and he takes Derrick over the edge and releases him time and again. He uses dirty talk, a degree of pain, and he is commanding. He knows what he likes and it is a bonus that Derrick likes it too. He allows Derrick to feel free of responsibility in a way he has never experienced before -

"My turn. Up on your knees, on the floor." Startled by the abrupt transition, Derrick tried to make his arms and legs obey. As he rolled to his knees beside the bed, Gavin fingered the throbbing bite marks on his neck. He asked softly, "Are you mine? These marks say you are." Still panting, Derrick nodded, swallowing hard, "Yes."
"And since you're mine, I can do anything I want with you, can't I?"
"Yes," he repeated, licking his lips. "Please."

It is delicious and never just sex for the sake of it, it is purposeful and erotic and you know it's always meaningful between them. If you like a bit of a kink and some dirty talk then this should suit - 

Slut. Whore. Greedy. Dirty.

 He writhed in a torment of mortified pride, and Gavin pushed into him.
"Listen to yourself," Gavin repeated, panting in his ear. "Even after what I just called you, you're still dying for it. You know how to stop me but you won't."



But you know that Gavin is conflicted, too. In Inertia, Derrick noticed the impact Gavin's ex, Lukas', text messages had on Gavin. And the repercussions of that abusive and dangerous relationship still linger in Acceleration - HIV results still pending included. The reader, and Derrick, get to meet Lukas when Gavin is out of town, and Gavin asks Derrick to be at his place when Lukas comes by to collect a painting -

He wanted to see who had turned the man who could melt Derrick with a few growled commands into a wraith who flinched each time he received a text message. Gavin flinched less and growled more these days but it was a slow process.... 

He's not on page much, but when he is you can see what a bastard he is. I have to say that the way Derrick handled Lukas was perfect for me. I have nothing but admiration for Derrick and for Ms Gormley's writing of him. It could have been a big drama-ridden-doubt-fest but the author stood true to her characters - in this case a mature, thirty one year old man, who is pretty calm in nature - and made a very good story even better because of it.

Yes, Acceleration is about the impact letting Gavin in has on Derrick's life - not just the fact that he isn't sure of how to be in a relationship, but how others behave towards him - Derrick's hockey league team members do not react well. He's always just been 'single Derrick,' now he has a partner. A male partner. Derrick has never been closeted - just private - he hasn't seen fit to tell anyone what his sexual orientation is. It's no one's business but his own. It just is and he sees no reason why it should be a big deal. Gavin explains that there may be fallout from homophobic team mates who will think that Derrick has been secretly scoping them out in the change rooms (etc) all these years. There are repercussions from this but Derrick is naïve, he hides angry teammate texts from Gavin when they arrive, not because he is dishonest, because he takes responsibility again and again for everything. He feels Gavin has enough on his plate. He simply doesn't know how to tell someone things they might want to know, need to know. He tries to protect Gavin and Gavin is angry, hurt, when he finds out that Derrick thinks him fragile and is making decisions for him that are not just his to make. It's also about Gavin educating Derrick as to what is expected in a relationship of equal partners.

The reader also knows that Gavin keeps worries just below the surface -

And then his eyes opened and that shadow passed trough Gavin's gaze again....."Hey."
Derrick stopped moving, quelling the urge of his hips to continue driving onward, despite Gavin's restless shifting and groaning protest. "What," Gavin panted.
"I'm not him." His hands bracketed Gavin's face, and he gave a short forbidding shake of his head. "Whatever he did to you, I'm not gonna do."
----

"I'm sorry," he heard Gavin mutter, and he felt Gavin's hand fall on his head. Limp. defeated. His voice was full of remorse. "I'm so sorry."
"Don't." Derrick looked up sharply, meeting Gavin's regret-filled eyes...
"Don't be, this isn't your fault."
"Isn't it?"
"You didn't have a choice. At least not much of one."
"I could have stood firmer, not let Lukas get me drunk..."

He would also like to be completely sexually free with Derrick, but the fear of infecting someone he cares for is ever present. The concern that because Derrick has felt the responsibility of nursing family members, watched them die, means Derrick may see him as another 'responsibility' to be borne ....silently -

"If you won't say what's on your mind, then I can't trust you, and I can't be with someone I don't trust. Not after what I've been through. And certainly not to do the sort of things you like in bed."
The indictment that he wasn't trustworthy stung Derrick's sense of injustice. He snapped without thinking. "Can you really blame me for needing to hold something back for when you're not there anymore?"
Gavin blanched, and Derrick closed his eyes, feeling sick.
"That's..." Gavin covered his mouth, looking like he'd been gut punched.
"Shit. I'm sorry. That's not what I..."
"Yeah, it is."  Gavin  swallowed hard. "That's the most honest thing you've said to me in months. Wow."
He looked as the ceiling, giving a humourless, disbelieving laugh. "I'm your worst nightmare, aren't I?"

Here Gavin, and therefore the reader, gets to learn the true extent of what Derrick has been through, And it is sad and powerful in the way it unfolds, the way it is written. LeeAnn, his ex and still good friend, helps encourage him to be open. To show Gavin something that Derrick is good at; music. Not to use it only for the sad times, to mourn a loss. Now it's time to play when he is happy again. To play for Gavin. And the always-wonderful Ms Ingrid helps Derrick understand that you just can't be responsible for everyone, that it is isn't expected. This time around it's nice to see there are supporters there when Derrick needs them.

Acceleration is well named as Derrick and Gavin's feelings are moving ahead quickly in many ways. It builds over a period of three months. The way they are wanting to be in each other's company more and more often, the things that they like about each other, the way they are feeling emotionally, the powerful, liberating, and sympatico sex, and also the fears - Derrick not knowing how to be in a relationship, Derrick feeling scared of what wanting someone, needing someone means. What happens if Gavin has HIV and he loses him?  Gavin needing to have a totally honest partner, sharing the load and responsibility. Gavin finding this gentle man who has many things that are attractive to him, but who just can't be as open as he should be. The way they are heading towards a conclusion in regards to their relationship, to dealing with the outcome of Gavin's tests, and  life in general as a couple.

Overall -

I totally understand why Amelia Gormley has opted to split Derrick and Gavin's story into a trilogy, there is too much information for one or even two books. Too much baggage, too much love, for two men to just reduce it to meaningless, throw-away lines of dialogue or backstory. It has allowed the author to build a perfect pace for the story, to allow full exploration of both men and give us much needed insight into their lives, feelings, individual hurts, relationship difficulties, growing love, and any and all resolutions. None of which can be a quick process, given the magnitude of their experiences and their grief - Derrick's so chronically ingrained and Gavin's so acutely current.

Often I find second books a bridge between first and third, not here. This is a wonderful book, even better than the first - which is very good in its own right - full of character depth, a genuine building of a relationship, glorious dialogue that makes you feel like they are real people, not fictional characters, whose lives you have the privilege of being a part of for a while. With some interesting secondary characters thrown into the mix. If you like character-driven stories that are filled with emotion, but not necessarily angst driven, instead driven by a powerfully real-feel plot. If you like good men who are individually decent and are even better together, who (I think) are meant to be, then I cannot recommend  Inertia and Acceleration highly enough.

5 Your Mine Stars

 

Heart of Stone, Ari McKay

-Review by Letti.

This is a sweet western historical romance that spans from the Fall of 1887 to the Fall of 1888 that mainly deals with a ranching lifestyle. This is the first time that I’ve read any of this author's work, and I must admit I was not disappointed. The plot was engaging even though I figured out whodunnit way in advance, but it did not detract from the story. I wanted to keep on reading to find out if my boys got their shit together, and if the sweet Agnes was ever going to find the one. This story was a bit addicting, who doesn’t like hot cowboys? Especially the ones in the past, just imagine a man with sun kissed skin, a sweaty body and a piece of straw hanging from his mouth. Whew!! Is it getting hot in here or is it just me?

Stone has just returned from a cattle drive along the Chisholm Trail to the Circle J. Upon his arrival Little Sam, who is extremely talkative and can ramble on till his little heart's content, informed Stone that he had received a letter, and that it was waiting for him up at the main house. The letter perplexed Stone since he has never received a letter and he thought nothing good could come of it, but curiosity won over.

The letter informed Stone that his Aunt Priscilla had passed away and, since he was the only living relative, he was now sole owner of her ranch. Stone, having never met any of his father’s family, was taken aback. His father was a cowardly man who intimidated his wife and child, and expressed how he felt with his fist. He blamed Stone and his Ma for all his failures and claimed it was due to them being half breeds, he and his mother were part Pawnee. He debated on whether or not he was going to keep the ranch, but since his aunt entrusted him, knowing his father’s worthless capabilities, he was going to attempt to make the ranch as successful as he possibly could.

When he arrives at Copper Lake Ranch and meets Luke for the first time they both feel a jolt of attraction. I’m a sucker for sexual tension and there was a bit going on, believe me when I say I loved every second of it. Luke has a feeling that Stone may be into men, so he tries to pump it out of him discreetly -

“My momma caught me behind the barn with my pants around my ankles, and it weren’t no young lady I was with at the time, if you take my meanin’.”

“I sure hope you was with another man. Because if it was a cow or a horse or some other critter, I think we might have us a problem.”

Two shots of whiskey and a nap equal hot sexy cowboys coming out to play.  And dang, do those two boys know how to do it right. It was more than sex, or at least that's how it seemed to me. The connection was there, but fear held a higher power for Stone. After the haze of sex and a new morning Stone basically tells Luke that it was a mistake and it shouldn't have happened. Then we get Luke’s reply to Stone -

“I can’t argue with that. I can’t make you choose, either. I know havin’ a home is important to you. It’s important to me too, but not as important as bein’ happy. Just bein’ here ain’t enough to make me happy or make this anything more than a house to live in. Can you tell me it’s enough to make you happy?”

As fast as it begins, it comes to an end. Stone puts a halt to their budding relationship, for a number of reasons - he’s fearful that he’ll be run off by the towns folk, or worse, Luke could end up killed.  And so begins the distance between them. Certain words of endearment no longer exist, and the easy companionship and communication turns strictly business. They do finally get to a point of being comfortable, but Luke is still a little heart sore.

It seems that a streak of bad luck has hit the Copper Lake Ranch. Cattle start disappearing, accidents are happening , and now there is talk of Indian curses. Could it simply be sabotage? When they start to unravel the secrets and deceptions, they realize that all they want is to be nestled in each other’s arms.

 “Believe me, it’s right here, and I aint about to let you go off and try to find it in someone else’s bed. You’re mine, Luke Reynolds and I’m yours.”

“I love you, Luke. I never said that to any man before, and I ain’t going’ to say it to any man but you. No matter what happens, you’re the only one I want, and I’m goin’ to stick by you. Unless you decide you don’t want me no more, and even then I’m goin’ to do everything I can to change your mind.”

This is a light read and a very romantic story, the sex is minimal but the story line makes up for it. I’m a fan of country living, since I’m a country girl. I love novels that deal with things I know, that I can connect with, that has references to the way I live here at home. 4 Stars.

Dear Diary (Dear Diary #1), Allison Cassatta

-Review by Mr Austro-Hungarian

This story takes us on the path of an eighteen-year-old Chris who, in the midst of getting ready for his senior year prom, decides this day is to be the day he purges his stories in an almost cathartic fashion, so he sets out to record the precious memories he had of a summer romance that changed his life – with a man named Josh, who was an intern for a law firm Chris was volunteering at.

This was all done through the use of a hand-held recorder he received for Christmas. In fact, this recorded version of these events is where the story lies, along with intermittent appearances from all the people that he holds dear in the present – his family and best friend. Together, Chris makes his prom experience one that is not merely just a step into adulthood.

But whilst this short story has the sweetest of intentions, and I truly tried to like the story (as I am a sucker for cathartic spilling) this story also had some of my pet peeves. In fact, it had two:

1.       The Sex Scene:

Did explain the basic ins and outs of oral sex. I definitely applaud the author for this. However, there were some problems I had with the sex scene in regards to how it was handled. For example:

  “I had to fight not to look at Josh, even as curiosity threatened to get the best of me. Something told me that as soon as I saw him, as soon as I saw his hand around my Jimmy, I’d put a stop to all of it despite wanting it more than I’d ever wanted anything else in my life.”

Jimmy. Jimmy. JIMMY?!

…I  felt this totally undermined the sex scene. I could almost understand if:

A) This was a blatant attempt to make this slightly younger. (Again, this has as its own problems; if it was for a slightly younger audience, there would be a ringing cry for the explicitness and depth of the scene.)
B) The main protagonist was an ego-centric plebeian that had a talent for giving himself a big-enough head to force America into giving his penis its own zip code. (Which, he wasn’t. Even though I did not like the character, he wasn’t ego-centric.)
C) His penis could talk, eat, breathe and was lucid enough to be able to distinguish the English alphabet. (To be fair, I have seen enough of them around my area.)

Well, I know C is definitely out of the question, and I really do not feel it is B. So, is it A? I thought about this for a while, because the author does use this consistently. However, a few lines later:

   “Oh my God, my completely erect penis was in this dude’s mouth!”

So…no, it cannot be A. The answer clearly does not lie in any of the aforementioned hypotheses. Then why is this language being used to describe the main character’s genitalia? I have absolutely no idea. If someone had ever referred to their penis as “Jimmy”, I would probably ask how they felt about having a man named James trapped in their penis and walk away. I am being serious – it is not cool in a serious story, and definitely not something that should ever be mentioned when in a sex scene.

I also had a problem with some of the word choices when this sex scene unfolded. For example:

   “He went down on me again, gripped my sac in his hand, gave a gentle squeeze, and I was done for. I felt the pressure in my chest, felt my body tense as the most incredible pain filled every inch of my being…”

Pain? I don’t know where the pain is coming from, particularly because the “pressure” associated with coming towards climax has already been described. Unless I am missing out on some sort of crucial physiological sign of pre-orgasm (I use the term “missing out” loosely) I am at a loss as to why the author describes Chris going through pain.

(This should be where I put in a warning – if you experience pain similar to this, you may need to see your doctor.)

            2. Realism of the People (And Everything Associated):

This story had my absolute pet peeve – people that embody the archetype, as mother dearest calls it: Blonde hair. Blonde teeth. Blonde life. The people of Dear Diary are the absolute epitome of this lifestyle. We have:

Chris: A boy who has stellar grades destined for an Ivy League college. Athletic body. Popular. Is good looking. Has a female best friend who is also stunning. They once went out, split, and are still best friends. Has the most understanding and Brady-esque parents in the world. Need I say more?

Josh: Admittedly, the most fleshed out character (which is not saying much). But he is still incredibly attractive. (Blonde hair and green eyes – that, speaking as a science major who has studied phenotypes and genetics, is pretty bloody rare. Be thankful, Josh!) It is also alluded to that he is intelligent. (Although my brain, for some reason, concluded that he wasn’t. I may have been reading too many nerd-meets-jock stories…again.) He also has a cool, almost “zomg-he-is-in-college!” thing going on…

…oh, and his EYES CAN SHOOT MALACHITE-GREEN LASERS THAT CAN HEAL SICK CHILDREN! (Not really, I just got bored and started imagining him shooting lasers from his eyes.)

Parents: They are too nice. Just…too nice. I said that they were Brady-esque, and they are.

Exhibit A: They have to ground Chris for "a few weeks" for sneaking out. That’s great and all, but I have two problems with this:

1. HE’S FREAKING 18! He, as an adult, does not “sneak out”; he “goes out”. Because…you know…he’s an adult? Did we forget our brains at the door, parental units? And then, to make matters worse;
2. After the stupid judgement, they declare, along the lines of: 'You broke our rules, but we do basically understand why you did it.' Wait…WHAT?! If you bloody well understand why he did it, then why are you grounding him? It’s like they are saying: “We understand that you absolutely had to immobilise the man that was about to stab you in the face. But, because that is against federal law, you get 5 years grounding.”      

      Other Things that Infuriated Mr. Austro-Hungarian:

The world was two-dimensional. Do I understand that the plot was, for the most part, driven by a young man who is sitting in his room and talking to a recorder whilst getting ready for prom? Yes.

(N.B: Not to mention that, in amongst the monologues, it apparently takes Chris an hour to spike his hair. Really? It took me less than that to shower and straighten my hair that was thicker than the Amazon…and that is saying something. Get some gel that actually holds your hair, Chris – maybe then it will seep into your brain and cause you to call your penis by an anatomically correct name. It’s a noble thought.)

But I digress. I do understand that a short story is not generally going to be fleshed out to the same degree as a novella/novel. I also understand that there is slightly less room to build the three dimensions a story needs, although it’s very much possible. But this story severely lacked the world I so desperately needed.

This also became evident when I realised there would be no conflict in this story; this made the book quite disappointing, in the sense that it almost made the world more unrealistic. Every potential moment where there could have been tension or conflict, it was shut down by the characters basically saying this:

“I should be angry with you. Or upset, or livid, or just plain bitchy…but instead, HAVE A PIECE OF CAKE!”

However, the biggest problem I had with the story was that I did not see a point, in the sense that the storyline can be basically pinned down to a love story that occurred because Chris found out he liked men…and in a big way. He was going out with his female (now) best friend, was popular, but there was ‘something missing’. And he found it, in Josh.

Now, where this plot fell short was that there was absolutely no reason Chris should have repressed his sexual identity until that point. I know, I know – it can happen. But there is usually a reason. “My family are devout -insert religious denomination here- and I am scared of coming out/it is wrong” “I have a homophobic upbringing” etc, etc.

 

Yes, it was touched on that Chris may have homophobic friends, and I have no doubt that the popular gang he was with would have their fair share of jocks that love to spew vitriol at men who are homosexual…if this “touched on” component of the story hadn’t consisted of roughly one/two lines.

Chris also seems to be scared about how his parents may react to his sexuality. But this baffles me, because, again, let me re-acquaint you with Chris’ parents:

“I should be angry with you, or upset, or livid, or just plain bitchy…but instead, HAVE A PIECE OF CAKE!”

There was absolutely no indication that his parents would have reacted in any way but unequivocal support for Chris. They supported everything he did, and were nice about everything they could be. (Heck, grounding was a nice experience!) I think they weren’t the type to absolutely commit a 180 and create WWIII about sexual identity.

And this is also why I am utterly confused by Chris’ denial-to-the-point-of-not-even-thinking-about-men point of view at the beginning. Then he seems to have discovered his urges for men when he meets the man of his dreams, and this confuses me even more. Wouldn’t this event have sparked an even bigger denial response within Chris, if the denial was so pertinent to him? I guess the conclusion to this question is that Josh was simply the catalyst that sparked Chris’ interest in men, but I find this too odd and incongruous to the, albeit limited, backstory.
I've noticed that other people have enjoyed Dear Diary. Be sure to have a look at all reviews as we all see things differently. For me, personally, I found a number of problems that stopped me from enjoying it.  I suppose the story wasn’t badly written. But I found the combination of poor word choices,  two dimensional  people and world, and inconsistent psychology with regards to the major plot led me to give this short story two stars.
 

Split, Mel Bossa

- Review by Cindi

**This review contains slight spoilers.**

Derek O'Reilly has just gotten engaged to Nathan after being with him for two years.  The relationship is an odd one with it being mostly one-sided on Nathan's part. Derek is shy and avoids conflict so he follows along with whatever Nathan wishes.  Two years and Derek has never given himself completely.  There is always something, someone holding him back.  


"What happened to me?  I grew up, and then caught a deadly virus called adulthood."

During a visit to Derek and Nathan's new apartment, Derek's Aunt Frannie opens Derek's eyes to something he has tried to avoid for over seventeen years.  Fran is dying of cancer and has been cleaning out her apartment.  While doing so, she stumbles on an old diary that a young eleven-year-old Derek had kept.  Inside are Derek's wishes, his dreams, of that long ago time.  Derek did not have the best of childhoods.  His mother lost a son who Derek never had the opportunity to meet and she was never the same again.  His father was mostly absent though when he was around he wasn't a loving father.  Derek begins writing to his late brother who he calls Bump.  Dear Bump.... is the beginning of each entry in the diary.  In it, Derek tells the story of his home life, his friends and most importantly, his first love, Nicolai (Nick) who was his neighbor and best friend's (Boone's) brother who was a few years older than Derek.

My dearest Bump.
I had forgotten about you.
Seventeen years have passed since I last wrote to you.

"Not only are you not going to play soccer with Dad, you're not even going to be alive."

The story is told via old diary entries and in present day.  With each entry the reader is taken back to a time when a young boy was trying to deal with not only the typical issues of childhood but also the scary feelings of falling for another boy when he had been raised to believe that was wrong. Nicolai is an angry teen.  Never harsh with Derek but always in and out of some kind of trouble at home, school and in the community.  His relationship with his parents is strained but he is close to his brother and little sister.  

Opening the old diary takes Derek back to Nick.  Nick, the reason why Derek is unable to give himself fully to another.  Nick, the only person Derek has ever loved.  During a particular bad moment, adult Derek sees his best friend Boone for the first time in seventeen years.  This is shortly after discovering his old diary. Seeing Boone again opens the door for Derek to see the rest of the family and this includes Nicolai who has not remained close to his family members. Seeing Nick again and reading his own words from his childhood force Derek to see that what he has been doing with Nathan is just wasting time. Nathan is a horrible human being.  He is away a lot and it's obvious to Derek and the reader that he's not spending these business trips alone.  He degrades Derek constantly and makes him feel small.  Seeing Nick again forces him to take stock in his life and his relationship with the man he is supposed to marry.  

This book is difficult to read at times.  The child Derek will break your heart as he did mine.  His mother emotionally abandoned him when she lost her unborn son.  His father doesn't understand him nor does he try to.  Boone's family treats him more as family than his own with the exception of his Aunt Frannie.  But spending any time in Nick's presence makes Derek so filled with nerves that he becomes physically ill.  His feelings for this other boy disturb him so much that the physically harms himself and is rushed to the hospital at one point.  

How can I love someone so much, but be invisible to him?

I closed my eyes and tried to make my heart stop beating.  I prayed to God, "Make this heartbeat be my last."

But it never was.

There was always another one, then another, and another until all I could hear and feel was my stupid heart thundering inside me.  I clenched my fists, bit down on my lip, and prayed harder.

It never stopped.
I slapped my chest.
It kept beating.
Boom.  Boom.  Boom.
I slapped it harder.
Boom.
Harder still.
Boom.  Boom.
I hit it again and again, but it kept beating, so I hit it again.
And again.

You can't read the diary entries without feeling sympathy for the young boy.  When Derek becomes an adult he holds everything in. He avoids conflict which causes him to be taken advantage of.  Instead of standing up for himself with Nathan, he just goes with the flow.  It takes Nick coming back into his life for Derek to finally make a stand with the man he is supposed to marry.  Unfortunately, it takes a tragedy to finally force him in the right direction.

I really enjoyed this book.  I found myself teary-eyed many times.  Watching the young Derek as he battles to understand his feelings for the boy next door is heartbreaking.  Seeing the adult Derek not stand up and fight for himself got frustrating.  I understood it for sure but it was hard to read just the same.  There are some humorous moments, however, so not all is down.  Lene, Boone and Nick's sister, is hilarious from the moment she is introduced as a young girl until she is again as an adult.  She is the ultimate female character.

"Lene wants to kiss you on the mouth on Tuesday."

Lene is Boone's sister.  She's nine.  She has a crush on me.  She always sticks love notes in my running shoes.  I'm probably going to marry her, but first I need to travel to Asia.  All the grown men I know have two things in common: they drink too much brown liquor, and have never gone to Asia.  I think there's something there.  If I want to be successful, I need to visit Peking.

Boone and Nick's parents are interesting to read about though I question a few things with their mother.  Derek's mother's grief is written realistically. 

"Since she came home, Mom's eyes are like Grandma's dish soap and our apartment is like an empty coconut."

What would Mom say?  Would she punish me?  Would she call Dad?  Would she cry and scream? I was hoping she would.  At least that way, she wouldn't be sleeping.

His father was not in the book enough for me to form a strong opinion of him one way or another. Aunt Frannie is a treat.  She takes care of Derek when his parents can't... or won't.  She opens his eyes years later to what he has pushed to the back of his mind for over seventeen years.  With the exception of one small instance, I adored Frannie.  

My only issues with the book are as follows:  

- I do not feel that there is enough time given to Derek and Nick as a couple when they become adults.  While I could see where the author was going (in a sense) I felt that more time should have been dedicated to the two, especially in one particular circumstance.  What happened when Nick shows up at the hospital and takes Derek home, leaving Nathan behind?  He grabs his hand and that's that.  Nothing else until a few days later.  This happens often in the book with quite a bit of fast-forwarding with zero details given of what happened in between.

- Nick is battling his own demons and these come out long into the book.  However, I do not feel that they justified his treating Derek as just a booty call.  The real emotion for Nick does not come out until long after I had gotten frustrated with him for pulling his disappearing acts.  He knows how Derek feels but yet he doesn't treat him with the respect I felt he deserved after a night of sex.

- As much as I despised Nathan, I wanted to see more of him. He is not a nice guy (by any means) but I feel that if you are going to make someone out to be a bad guy, there should be more than just a few nasty comments by him here and there.

- I do not always need graphic sex in my books but I do feel that a few more details thrown in with Nick and Derek (especially during their first time together) would have been nice.  A lot of the sex is off-page and as I said, I'm fine with that on occasion but I felt that the lack of details took a little away from the reunion.


Overall, an outstanding book.  Sure, I had a few minor issues but not enough to take away from the story as a whole.  This book will suck you in with the first diary entry and you will have a difficult time putting it down.  I ached for young Derek as he loved the older boy from afar. Nerves cause him to stutter and to get physically ill on top of the unfamiliar changes in his body as a result of Nicolai.  I felt so much sympathy for him. 

I forget how to breathe.
My face burns.
My brain hums.
And sometimes, I get this funny feeling deep inside my stomach, like a hot liquid pouring into my shorts.
It only happens when Boone's older brother sits at the table.  He mostly doesn't because he's fifteen.
But I can't take that chance.  Sometimes, Boone's brother doesn't come until dessert is served, and that's the worst because I love Mrs. Lund's tapioca pudding, but I just can't seem to swallow when Nicolai Lund is around.

I laughed at the antics of Lene and Boone.  I wanted to shake Derek's mother as she turned her back on her only living child.  I understood what she was feeling but I still hated watching Derek as he was basically forgotten in the midst of it all.  Aunt Frannie is amazing and everyone should have an aunt like her.  

Highly recommended.

4.5 stars

The Gifted One, Jacob Z Flores

-Review by Letti.

 

 

 

Matt’s life has been plagued with misfortunate events and many of those were catastrophic. Being born the seventh son of a seventh son, his destiny was written, he become a key player, and someone who is important to the Grand Design. Because of that importance he was granted a protector the Archangel Gabriel. Gabriel has been by Matt’s side since the very beginning but has rarely revealed himself; Gabriel’s sole purpose was to protect his ward and let the Grand Design run its course.

But things begin to change when Matt is tormented with nightmares; he knows that the dreams are the key to unlocking his past. He suffers from dissociative amnesia due to a traumatic and stressful incident that transpired on his tenth birthday. Birthdays aren’t agreeable with him, because his potential resonates strongest on that day.

This is an enchanting tale of good vs evil, Angelic Forces vs Demonic that interweave basic Christian Mythology. At times it was so engaging I could hardly tear my eyes away from the words, I was sucked into Flores magnificent world. Certain parts of the book were heart-rendering,  where my soul literally felt like it was being ripped out of me, during that moment I cussed Mr. Flores for capturing that heinous moment. And FYI that is something no mother should every read.

There was an array of characters some I grew a connection with, and others were a bit obnoxious but to be honest we all know a Ms. busy body like Dee, the girlfriend you love to hate, and the flirtatious Shane.

Matt and Gabriel relationship was something of pure beauty and love. When they say love can conquer all it rings truest for these two. But one thing that didn’t sit well with me was how fast their love for each other seemed to be, and in the beginning I found myself starting to doubt it. But as the story progressed I took it for what it was, love at first sight, stemming from the familiarity on Matt’s part.  Gabriel’s love for Matt I could believe, because he was always there.

There were some parts that did irk me -

“No more cursing”

“The cursing tarnishes the experience”

“I know your anger was born from concern, but I do wish you would stop cursing”

See where I’m going with this? Yeah that got me cursing like a sailor. Then at times It felt like being reprimanded by my mother - I swear I had to remind myself Angel, Angel, he’s a freaking Angel. But as you read further and further, there were some heart stopping magical moments

“Your flaws and imperfections make you beautiful”

“I only wish you could see yourself through my eyes. Then you would know how beautiful you are. How special you are, not just to me but to everyone around you.”

Wow! That simply took my breath away.

This is not an erotic romance, there is only about two or three scenes that go into all the hot and heavy sex, but it really is a fun story that will have you guessing, and getting aggravated and then sighing. The ending is not what I expected and I do have mixed feelings about that, but I’m hoping for a sequel to follow and so I can see what’s going on in the heavens.  4 Stars.